


the heart (the heart, the heart) is a muscle, and i wanna make it strong

by actualparrot



Category: Redwater (TV 2017)
Genre: M/M, a post-redwater fic, an idea for s2, i might write more, its just emotions, its short, these two are so in love it hurts, this is a continuation?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23654758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualparrot/pseuds/actualparrot
Summary: this is something i wrote at midnight, its not good or insightful, but it works for me and my wish for more redwater content.so enjoy, ladies and gentlepeople(i might update but no promises)
Relationships: Kieran Harrington/Andrew Kelly
Kudos: 5





	the heart (the heart, the heart) is a muscle, and i wanna make it strong

There was a secret in Redwater. No, I don’t mean the deaths of Mouse and aunt Iris and all possible causes of it. And I’m not talking about Dermott’s heritage and creepy tendencies either. All of that had been taken care of. After the events resulting in the deaths of Kat and Alfie, Dermott was arrested for manslaughter as well as arson, and silence dominated Redwater. The dead quiet streets were solely filled with whispers on busy days and mere sighs on the other ones. All of the family’s dirty laundry had been aired and the fallout had been massive. The one secret left in Redwater was kept by Andy (and his father, but Andrew had ensured Kieran his father had been none the wiser after the two had “nearly” been caught all those years back). Kieran had left. He and his mum had gone back to America. But it hadn’t been on the same terms as the last time Andrew had said his cousin goodbye. There had been no clammy handshakes, no forced smiles and no suppressed man tears.

I’m not saying there had been no tears at all, though. Despite it not being the first time he’d cried in front of, and because of, Kieran, it had been different for Andy. Disappointment, regret, blatant sadness, as well as a strange sense of hope had been visible in his eyes as Kieran wiped away the tears underneath Andrew’s eyes and placed a small kiss on his forehead.

Both men had agreed they could no longer deny their … relationship? Their connection, their strong bond that they had formed as kids that had slowly transformed into an explosion of love, passion and interdependence as they’d grown up. Rather than store it away like before, only for the emotions to arise as soon as their eyes met again several months (and then years) later. Rather than a vague attempt at being ordinary, they simply acknowledged the way they felt for the one another, and let it go.

Andy was at his parental home, quietly eating his mum’s food while Bernie and the kids were at home. See, he hadn’t coped as well with the whole “Dermott-is-a-killer” thing as he’d expected to, and while Bernie was going through the process of making her case against Andy’s cousin, he’d suggested he needed a tiny bit of space. Working outside all day, having his tea at his mum’s and coming home to put the little ones to bed with his wife still working either at the office or in the computer-room, was working out great. The conversation with Bernie had been surprisingly easy, the woman was very clever after all. She wasn’t aware of his secret, but she understood his pain all the same. Not that any of it was fair on her, Andy knew that. But her accommodating and loyal personality helped him, while also complicating the inevitable pain he was causing. While at his mum’s, Andy could always rely on his mum’s great, absolutely mint, sound and certain advice. Whether it was about dirty nappies or farming techniques, his mum always told him exactly what he'd needed to hear.

Except for when it concerned his marriage. Somehow. on the few occasions Andy had felt comfortable bringing up the flaws in their relationship, his mum had failed to make him feel better. Because of course he felt the pressure to do “the right thing” and stay with Bernie, it was the reason they were together in the first place, really. Sure, the love and attraction that was prominent at the start of their relationship had practically faded out of existence, but he could hardly follow his heart and leave, could he? His mum always said that you kept your promises. But Andy remembered his first promises, the ones he’d made to Kieran. How could he break the first promise he'd ever made?

_I’ll stay with you… You’ll always be my best friend… I’ll miss you…_

It’s fair to say Andy struggled an awful lot more this time ‘round with Kieran leaving. It was _just_ when he needed him, _just_ when they’d gotten closer than they had been in a long time. Just when Andy had realized just how much he loved the stupid American git.

...

Kieran’s phone rang, as it did approximately a thousand times a day with clients, colleagues and college friends asking for favours and business opportunities all day long. He’d decided to take a well-earned bubble bath at 4 o’clock in the afternoon on a thursday, because he deserved it. He poured in nearly all the soap he could find and was working his way through 2 types of bath salts that complimented each other (and reminded him of anything but the freezing cold seawater he still had nightmares about). He carefully stepped in the tub, mind blank and humming a quiet song he could hardly remember the name of.

“Not right now.” He mumbled to himself as he moved to press _decline._ Then he was confronted with his cousin’s face on his phone screen (a silly picture taken ages ago on his first mobile phone which included a camera. Back then his whole gallery had been filled with a smiling Andy and he’d always make sure to transfer it to his newer, shinier, thinner cell phones - to annoy the camera-avoiding farmer, of course), Kieran picked up.

He didn’t say anything at first, waiting to hear a sign of life on the other side. Not that he couldn’t believe Andy had rang him, after his departure from Ireland several weeks ago, he’d spoken to him after Dermott’s first hearing. The knowledge that he’d have to return as a witness and make a statement was dreadful, but it did result in more communication among the family.

“Are ya there, Kier?” Andy sounded as if he wasn’t sure who'd rang who, like there was any possibility Kieran wouldn’t answer. He sounded the way he did during sleepovers when they were kids, and he addressed his words to the ceiling. His voice thin but low, hardly a whisper as if he wanted to make sure only Kieran could hear him. He always did.

“Yes,.. of course.” Kieran sank down in the hot water, a sigh escaping his lips as he felt his muscles relax. “What’s up?” He tried to sound awake and enthusiastic, but forcing his cheery American accent felt wrong, and of course Andy noticed.

“You alright there? You sound knackered.”

Kieran smiled, "I’ve had a long day. A big client cancelled and this huge project fell through.” He sighed again and went through his hair with his free hand. “Not gonna keep this job for much longer if this streak of bad luck continues.”

“Right, that sounds bad indeed.” Andy was always a great listener, even without saying anything, simply acknowledging Kieran’s feelings was a comfort he always provided.

“Anyway, I just got home so I’ll deal with everything tomorrow again… Any reason you called?”

“I just-” Kieran noticed the hesitation on the other line. “I wanted to hear yer voice.” Kieran kept quiet, waiting for him to say more. “I was out on the field all day and I came across this shed we fixed up years back, remember that?” He did, they’d stayed the night there, with two blankets and a thermos. “Our hard work was not for nothing, it’s still standing you know.”

"No, really? You're pulling my leg here."

"I'm not!" Andy laughed.

"God, it took us hours... Padraig never asked me to help out again."

When his dad proposed the plan to fix the old shed, the boys hadn't been supposed to sleep there, but Andy had insisted. Because it was summer, and the bike ride there was next to a busy road, their mum's had agreed they could sleep there, if they didn't finish before dark. Andy had made sure of it. While his cousin had never been handy with tools, teaching him how to properly hit a nail on the head (with his hand covering Kieran's) or sawing a piece of wood just right (not that it made any difference) prolonged their stay considerably. The night had been surprisingly cold, sharing the blankets they'd been bothered to pack were technically enough, but Andy woke up with Kieran plastered to his back all the same. He remembered turning around, the slight change in Kieran's breathing. He remembered it was so _easy_ to lean in, to let it happen.

"'Twas so much easier back then, wasn't it?" Andy said. 

"Only 'cause we didn't know any better."


End file.
